Here is the response I received:
Dear Stephen,
Thanks for your letter, and congratulations on your wedding in June. You were generous enough to ask for a few pearls of wisdom on the marriage front, so here are a few thoughts from one who has yet to earn all his marriage badges in this chapter of life.
If memory serves me correctly, I'm thinking about a Scott Peck book called The Road Less Traveled. This book, or one I'm confusing with it, talks about moving from independence or dependence to interdependence. My sense of an ideal marriage - and it takes experiences together, time and maturity to reach this point - is that you have the union of two people perfectly able to stand on their own. They come together knowing that their lives will be more fulfilling and meaningful by choosing to build a life together. In this regard, view your marriage as a partnership, and extend to your wife the same courtesies in communication you would extend your business partner. Surprisingly a lot of couples don't, and from unintentional and small communication lapses grow big differences. Jenny and I try to consult with one another a lot, and it has paid dividends.
Forgive - and forget. Apologize. In James the Bible says never let the sun set on your anger. It is great advice. If you have to stay up all night fussing until the issue is resolved, do it. Don't let
anyone go to bed brooding because only bad will grow from it. In resolving these issues, take Steven Covey's advice from his book The Seven Habits. He says seek first to understand - then to be understood.
The Bible charges men with the role of head of household. We set the tone and among other things are responsible for the spiritual condition of the household. Be willing to assume leadership. Part of that means to love her when that is not the mood of the day, she will respond, but you have to consistently take that all important first step. God gave you a mission in life, be sure to in some way incorporate her in it. She will be thankful and like all women want to be part of a mission impossible that is bigger than just cleaning dishes and washing the baby's diaper.
Thanks for your letter, and congratulations on your wedding in June. You were generous enough to ask for a few pearls of wisdom on the marriage front, so here are a few thoughts from one who has yet to earn all his marriage badges in this chapter of life.
If memory serves me correctly, I'm thinking about a Scott Peck book called The Road Less Traveled. This book, or one I'm confusing with it, talks about moving from independence or dependence to interdependence. My sense of an ideal marriage - and it takes experiences together, time and maturity to reach this point - is that you have the union of two people perfectly able to stand on their own. They come together knowing that their lives will be more fulfilling and meaningful by choosing to build a life together. In this regard, view your marriage as a partnership, and extend to your wife the same courtesies in communication you would extend your business partner. Surprisingly a lot of couples don't, and from unintentional and small communication lapses grow big differences. Jenny and I try to consult with one another a lot, and it has paid dividends.
Forgive - and forget. Apologize. In James the Bible says never let the sun set on your anger. It is great advice. If you have to stay up all night fussing until the issue is resolved, do it. Don't let
anyone go to bed brooding because only bad will grow from it. In resolving these issues, take Steven Covey's advice from his book The Seven Habits. He says seek first to understand - then to be understood.
The Bible charges men with the role of head of household. We set the tone and among other things are responsible for the spiritual condition of the household. Be willing to assume leadership. Part of that means to love her when that is not the mood of the day, she will respond, but you have to consistently take that all important first step. God gave you a mission in life, be sure to in some way incorporate her in it. She will be thankful and like all women want to be part of a mission impossible that is bigger than just cleaning dishes and washing the baby's diaper.
Thank her for the little things she does. I do a poor job of this, and it is worth focusing on.
Keep it fun. Don't let spontaneity die. Take time to smell the roses along the all too short path called life.
My life has been made richer by our friendship Stephen. Thank you again for it and again congratulations.
Sincerely,
Mark Sanford
Keep it fun. Don't let spontaneity die. Take time to smell the roses along the all too short path called life.
My life has been made richer by our friendship Stephen. Thank you again for it and again congratulations.
Sincerely,
Mark Sanford
I am not posting this letter as some sort of "gotcha" moment. Governor Sanford and his family are going through enough without having the likes of somone like me trying to pile on whenever they can.
This letter was great advice in 2005 before I had lived one day as a husband, and it's even better advice after four years of marriage. I thought so highly of this letter and the advice Governor Sanford imparted that I had the letter framed.
I am posting this letter because it is my hope and prayer that Governor Sanford will remember the words he wrote to me in 2005 and be the husband and leader he recommends that I strive to be.
After observing over the last few days the actions and reactions of Jenny Sanford to this whole mess, I thought it would be appropriate to end this post with this passage from Mr. Churchill:
My ability to persuade my wife to marry me was quite my most brilliant achievement.....Of course, it would have been impossible for any ordinary man to have got through what I had to go through in peace and war without the devoted aid of what we call, in England, one's better half.
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