May 24, 2010

25 Ways to a Happy Marriage

Read all 25 if you have time, but here are my five favorite:

3. You don’t have to like every quality your partner has. You do have to decide whether you can live with those qualities, says Loren Gelberg-Goff, a longtime marriage and couples counselor. You won’t be able to change them.

7. Stick to the present. Don’t bring up old conflicts or things that went wrong in the past, says Jason Trachtenburg, a Brooklyn musician. “It doesn’t pay to bring up past hurts or reopen old wounds. It only creates resentment, and that’s not something you want to play around with.”

8. Follow the 5-to-1 rule: five compliments for every criticism of your partner, says Gelberg-Goff. “You must be willing to find more that’s positive in your partner than is negative,” she says.

15. Create a world that the two of you share. Every couple should have things they do together that they both enjoy, even if it’s just going to the movies. “We like each other’s jobs, and we like each other’s friends,” says Shelly Strickler, 69, of Brooklyn, who will have been married to Larry, also 69, for 48 years this June.

25. Be an optimist. It’s simple, but if you think positively about your marriage, your marriage will often be positive. California field mice can be faithful for life, research shows. Why not you?

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